spirituality

Dear World: “I’m An Exceptionally Bad And Vicious Man.”

By in Politics, Religion, Spirituality Tags: , , ,

 

These days I’m finding church attendance hard. At the same time I’m a big believer in church attendance, and some of the best people I’ve known are pastors.

When I was a child my parents made me go to mass every Sunday. When I was a pastor, people expected me to show up. But today nobody really cares that much if I go or not.

I wonder if God cares.

I really do wonder. Because I used to think church attendance was a big deal to God. But if I’m totally honest, there seem to be other things for him to be more concerned about. Like famine and bigotry and child abuse and when the rich exploit the poor.

I think some pastors are tempted to say God cares a lot because their paychecks and buildings depend on people showing up and giving money. I hate to say that but I know there’s truth to it. Some senior clergy have told me over the years that it’s a big business in many ways.

I lost a lot of my faith in the American Evangelical church during the election cycle. All the silence from the pulpits on some hateful words of President Trump. It was once the case that such immorality was openly spoken of and rejected by clergy. But not this past year.

I wrote about the bigotry, and xenophobia and how Muslims can be part of the Body of Christ.

I wrote about who were the real Christians in America.

I’m not saying that attending church doesn’t have amazing benefits. I’m not saying that church attendance is encouraged in scripture. And I think being reminded about many of the wonderful tenets of sacred texts are foundational to a living a good life; it’s good to be reminded of stuff.

It’s also important to be in community with others who share your beliefs. This is true not just for Christianity, but for any spiritual practice. It’s what community is all about.

But there’s no Bible verse that says, “Go to church every Sunday.” If people want to talk about the Sabbath, that is on Saturday. So if we want to get technical, Christians should go on Saturday, like the Jews do.

These days, when I write about my faith journey, I sometimes feel that serious Christians are reading this and really getting angry.

But I like to write what I think. I think it’s important that more Christians do this. Like Solomon did in Ecclesiastes.

Be honest. Share your heart and observations. Get a conversation going.

I think it’s hardest for pastors to be honest. I think if pastors got on stage and talked about hard things, say, that they struggled with internet pornography, they’d be fired on the spot. Or if a pastor confessed that he had a crush one of the college students, again, he’d be fired on the spot.

You just can’t talk about real stuff like sex from the pulpit. And you certainly can’t talk about having those kinds of struggles.

I was in church once and the preacher talked about how he “used to have a porn addiction.” He was around 60. Then he said, “the Holy Spirit, years ago, just suddenly took it away.”

Just like that. Instantaneously. Porn addiction, gone.

“I did nothing, God did it.”

I felt enraged. To all the men who had yet to have a burning-bush-lust-eradicating experience, keep waiting and too bad.

I think it would have been better had he said, “Of course I still struggle from time to time but it’s nothing like it once was.”

That would have seemed more realistic. More honest.

Whenever people talk about their own sins in church, they usually talk about safe little vices. Like impatience. Or eating too much chocolate. Those are safe sins to talk about.

Nobody would ever talk about cheating on his taxes.

Or, lying.

Evangelicals really seem to like talking about the sins of non-Christians. All those drinking, carnal, hedonistic, liberal, godless,  souls.

Evangelicals love to judge non-believers.

It’s weird because Paul the Apostle told Christians they were not to judge non-believers. They were supposed to judge believers: “What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?” (1 Corinthians 5:12).

If you look at the life of Jesus and Paul’s letters, about all they are doing, is telling the Christians to start acting like Jesus, especially about caring for the poor and marginalized.

Some people decide to get into small house groups in addition to Sunday church. Those can be helpful. Because there’s a better environment to share about your life. But those groups can be dangerous. One friend of mine came out and told the group she started a relationship with another woman — and that they were in love with each other.

The concerned souls tried to counsel her away from loving this woman. They used Bible verses and prayed and told her it was all out of their “love” for her.

I suppose.

I guess they thought they were judging her the way Paul instructed them to. But none of the concerned ones, I presume, talked about their own struggles with lust or greed or consumerism or hypocrisy. Or, especially, with self-righteousness.

They just all focused on her and her “sin.”

My friend left the group, never to come back.

And I don’t blame her.

As an aside, I don’t like modifiers like radical to be put in front of words like honesty. There’s no such thing as radical honesty.

You are either honest are you are not.

I came across the quotation by Leo Tolstoy recently. It was from his journal. From 1905.

“A state of depression. I began to think it’s because nobody loves me. I started counting up all those who don’t love me. But then I thought, why should people love me? There’s really no reason. It’s only up to me to love; what they do is their affair. And people do love me much more than I deserve. Then during the night I thought a lot about myself. I’m an exceptionally bad, vicious man. I have all the vices, and to a very high degree: envy, and greed, and meanness, and sensuality, and vanity, and ambition, and pride, and malice. No, not malice, but bitterness, deceitfulness, and hypocrisy. Everything, everything, and to a far higher degree than the majority of people. My only salvation is that I know it, and have been fighting — fighting all my life — against it.”

Being a part of a church family is a good thing. Some of the best times of my life were when I was actively serving in church. So if you think I discourage attending church, far from it.

My hope is some of you will read this and try to find a way to cultivate a deeper value and practice of honesty within your churches. Especially if you are a pastor.

“Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins” (‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭7:20‬).

We need to come clean on our crap.

We need to realize that we — all of us — are exceptionally bad, vicious people.

 

* It’s important to note that the root in vicious is the word, vice. It’s synonymous with the word sinful.

 

When Billy Graham And C.S. Lewis Say Muslims Can Be Saved, Evangelicals Must Listen.

By in Politics, Religion, Spirituality Tags: , ,

Can Muslims know God? Can atheists? Jews? Are only “born again” Christians part of the Body of Christ?

Recently on Facebook, I got into this not so cozy little conversation on these questions. My view was met with intense resistance. By fellow Christians.

One guy called me a heretic.

But my view was not my own.

One’s religious views are shaped by others   — in my case, two men in the very best of the Evangelical Christian tradition, and a saintly Roman Catholic woman who gave her every fiber to welcoming outsiders in Jesus’ name.

So if you find my view controversial — the view that many can know God, even though they don’t identify as Christian — please understand that I didn’t invent it.

Dr. Billy Graham, one of the greatest Christian evangelists of our time, said this:

“I think everybody that that loves Christ, or knows Christ, whether they’re conscious of it or not, they’re members of the body of Christ. And that’s what God is doing today. He’s calling people for ‘eh, out of the world for his name whether they come from the Muslim world, or the Buddhist world, or the Christian world, or the non-believing world uh they are members of the body of Christ because they’ve been called by God. They may not even know the name of Jesus but uh they know in their hearts that they need something that they don’t have and they turn to the only light that they have. And I think that they are saved and they are going to be with us in heaven.”*

And Mother Teresa, this:

“There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God. I’ve always said that we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic.”

C.S. Lewis’s held the same view. His articulation of it is far longer, more literary, and just beautiful. So I won’t be so vulgar as to copy and paste it here. But if you’d like, read about it here in chapter 15 of Lewis’s Narnia series, The Last Battle.

In my work with the Christian-Muslim Alliance, I am often invited to join Muslims for prayers. And when I’m there kneeling and standing and kneeling and standing — practicing their way of worship — I always feel peace. I always feel calm. I always feel a deep connection with fellow journeyers.

I always feel peace.

In fact, the more time I spend with Muslims, the more I realize how virtues like humility and wisdom and peace are universal forces of good — that they are present throughout the spectrum of world religions, and even amongst the non-religious.

Of course, the threat of radicalized groups like ISIS and Al Queda are real. Those groups destroy others because their “religion” is one that wants to eliminate any person or idea that doesn’t match their extreme and violent ideology. Most of those they murder are Muslims.

But like I said, the vast majority of Muslims are people of peace.

Some of you are reading this and might be thinking, Wow, Paul is really losing it.

That’s okay. I get that these views will confuse many, especially my Evangelical Christian friends. If they do confuse you, I’d like to ask you three questions.

First, why do they make you so uneasy?

Second, and respectfully, what do you know that Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, and C.S. Lewis don’t?

Finally, do you think God might just big enough to be okay with people knowing him, but not his exact name?

I’d love to hear your thoughts! You may email me at paul@christianmuslimalliance.com, or connect with me via social media.

 

*the video of Billy Graham’s statement can be watched here.

 

 

 

I’m Not Leaving America, No Matter What They Say.

By in Politics, Religion, Spirituality Tags: , , ,

 

 

I started The Christian Muslim Alliance earlier this year. Hate crimes were on the increase. Division was growing.

Something needed to be done.

The goal was never to claim that Islam and Christianity are the same. They are not the same. The FAQ section of our website asks, “Do we believe Christianity and Islam are the same?” We respond:

No. We do not believe in “Syncretism,” or a fusing together of different faith systems. Christianity and Islam, in short, are not the same.

Our goal was to help people understand the 1.6 billion Muslims in the world, overwhelmingly, are not violent. And given Jesus’ example of welcoming all people,  we believed that Christians, especially, should be the leaders in promoting the welcoming of others.

I always knew the world has its share of hateful people. We all know that. I can be hateful sometimes. But some take their hate to the extreme of physical violence, while others “just use words.”

Some haters claim to be Muslim, some claim to be Christian, some claim to be atheist.

But I never really expected what I’ve seen in the past few weeks. Again, the goal of The Alliance was never to merge Christianity with Islam. But with over 5,000 Muslims serving in the U.S. armed forces, and with over 3 million law-abiding Muslim Americans living here, it seemed to make sense to find ways to promote peace.

In any event, here are just a few of the comments I’ve received in the past week or so:

– “The only reason there should be a Christian Muslim alliance is to remove the Jew. And even then, I am skeptical of the Muslims.”

– “Get the f**k out of our country and live in Saudi Arabia.”

– “FILTHY MUSLIM VERMIN!!!”

– “F**k you piece of s**t Muslims.”

– Regarding American Muslim peace activist Laura Sarsour: “The cockroach i need so pest spray some of asad gas would work on her.”

– “You should go to Syria and hug it out with ISIS. It’s not like your head had anything in it worth keeping.”

– “#nomuslimever”

– “you can always leave america  – good riddance.”

I only cite these to share what many people think. This hatred is real. And we all need to find ways to combat hate because those views do not represent the heart and spirit of America.

I hope you are active in trying to find ways to promote peace, in your family, in your community, in the world.

If you want to help us, click here to take action.

When I Chose Jesus Over Therapy.

By in Relationships, Religion, Spirituality Tags: , , , ,

 

 

It’s not time. It’s not time for me to write the details of my own trauma — of the traumatic events of my past.

That time will come, but not now.

But as I continue my journey in life, in my faith, in my yoga and mindfulness practice, in the school of parenting, and in my closest relationships, I’ve become increasingly aware of the pervasive effects of my own traumatic experiences.

I’ve become aware of fear — recognizing how easy it is for me to flinch. Not literally flinch, but a flinch of the mind when I sense danger. I’ve come to recognize how, because of trauma, I live with a subconscious fear of “What’s next?”

Trauma altered the way my brain responds.

This is true for many of us.

Trauma, as Bessel van der Kolk writes, sticks around:

“We have learned that trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how the human organism manages to survive in the present. Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.”

In my twenties, I was dipping my toes into talk therapy. I was seeing a psychologist. I was at the tip of the trauma iceberg.

Then I went to a Christian conference. The pastor was an internationally known Christian leader. Highly charismatic. And he said these words:

“The highest and best use of your life is not ‘getting well’ — the highest and best use of your life is serving Jesus.”

Then he read a bunch of Bible verses about losing your life, taking up your cross, selling all you have.

Idealistic, ambitious, and untrained to recognize classic dualisms (either care for yourself or serve God was what the pastor was saying), I guess I had to make a choice.

I fired my therapist at the age of 24.

Then proceeded to go lose my life.

I soon learned that Jesus usually doesn’t miraculously heal trauma, any more than he miraculously heals cancer or asthma or a broken femur.

You’ve gotta go to the doctor. You’ve gotta take medicine. Do the physical therapy.

I don’t beat myself today up for choosing Jesus over therapy as a young and idealist twentysomething. It’s hard to do the hard work of self-care when you’re a man in his mid-twenties

So few in their 20’s get on the road less traveled.

Young men and women, many who are victims of trauma, “press ahead” with all the new experiences of life. And we all love new: new diplomas, new romances, new careers, new marriages, new homes, new babies.

It’s all wonderful. Nothing wrong with it.

But it is a distraction to the work of therapy.

And, anyway, why get bogged down in “getting well”?

But the wheels, later down the road, can start to wobble. Mine did. All the newness of everything wears off. Kids get older. Money gets boring.

Familiarity can breed contempt.

The bigger house still isn’t as big as those other bigger houses.

And there are new setbacks. I wrote about two of mine  HERE.

Like Solomon, many end up asking themselves, “What’s the meaning of all this?”

And even with the joys and victories and successes, for many sufferers of trauma, something has affected us at — physically — our core. In places neuroscientists refer to as the reptilian and the limbic brain.

Bottom line is that tragic stuff has happened to all of us.

And if it happened to us, it happened to our brains.

I think of physical things. Like a motor of a car. Putting the car into first gear. Pressing the gas. The motor is fine until the RPM’s are too high. You can hear it. You need to shift to second gear to relieve the stress, the physical stress, on the gears.

That’s trauma. Physical stress on the actual brain. It’s PTSD. Holocaust survivors have the most gripping stories. So do soldiers who saw battle.

 

My goal in the months and years ahead is to swim deeper into the waters of self-awareness — live the examined life that Socrates speaks of.

Not sure there’s another way to truly live.

 

___________________________________________

A note on “Freewriting.”

Every Friday, I set my timer on my iPhone for 15 or 20 minutes. Then I start writing. I don’t stop. I write whatever pops into my mind. After 15 minutes, I go back and quickly correct all the blatant typos. Then I publish it on Paulosophia.

I started “freewriting” in the early 1990’s because I had read this short article called “Freewriting.” I was a horrible writer back then, with the most severe writers’ block. The article said you have to write WITHOUT STOPPING. For a fixed period of time. Even if you have to write the same word over and over again. Over time, you get better, and more confident.

Writing becomes as easy as talking.

I can’t count how many freewriting exercises I’ve done over the years. Thousands for sure. I still do them almost daily. My kids know them well. I hope you will, too.

 

Today’s First World Problem: The Big, Older, Hairy Man.

By in Spirituality Tags: ,

 

It seemed like it was to be the perfect class. Nicole was teaching. Saturday morning at 10. I had had a nice cappuccino with Gina at Kit.

There was a younger guy to my left. He was about three feet away. There was a lady to my right, about five feet away.

Then literally a minute before class was to start, a big, older, hairy man stumbles in and plants himself between me and the lady to my right.

His mat was less than a foot from mine.

I know I wouldn’t have minded if it was a small, younger, non-hairy woman. But, like I said, it was a big, older, hairy man.

Class starts and I can’t believe it that Nicole stated it to Carry That Weight by The Beatles. Never have I had a class start with The Beatles.

Then after Carry That Weight it was Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkle. Then it was Baby I’m Amazed by Paul and Imagine by John and Satisfaction.

And I can’t believe this playlist. My kind of music.

But the guy next to me. The big, older, hairy man. I couldn’t shake him.

He hummed. And grunted.

Nobody ever hums during yoga. Never had it happen before. Occasionally you hear men grunting. Not often, but you hear it from new guys trying to do more than they can.

But this guy’s a foot away. Grunting and humming.

And I’ve written before about yoga — about how half of the goal is to let go of things: your worries, comparing yourself to others, judging yourself, judging others.

Well, during Trikanasana, When I’m Sixty-Four comes on. And the guy starts singing.

Singing.

Nicole is at the other end of the room. And I’m not sure if she would have told him to stop. But she couldn’t hear him. He was singing just loud enough for me to hear.

And he was getting the lyrics wrong.

It’s one thing to wedge yourself next to me when you’re a big, older, hairy man, one minute before the perfect Saturday morning class.

It’s another thing to grunt.

It’s another thing to hum.

But when you start acting like it’s a karaoke class?

And you start singing Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view while Paul is singing I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone? Get the lyrics wrong? 

I’ll kill you.

Then the Christain part of me kicks-in — starts thinking about how judgy I am. I’m hanging in part two of Trikanasana and the big, older, hairy man seems happily lost in the wonder of Bikram and The Beatles and I’m letting it all get way deep under my periodically thin skin.

So I clear my throat during Doing the garden, digging the weeds who could ask for more (of course he’s singing, Send me your answer, give me a form yours for evermore).

And he stops.

He gets the message.

And I start thinking about White Whining. First World Problems. Writing a blog about what a real ass I could be.

The class went on. The amazing playlist continued. And during the break, I turned to the big, older, hairy man and said, “Some good tunes, today, yeah?”

And he smiles and says, “Such an amazing class, brother.”

 

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