Everyone should have someone to come home to when the public part of the day is over.
But many get tired of that someone. Even Christians. Whether they admit it or not.
I’m now single, again. So I write about this topic of relationships. I don’t know exactly where I’m going sometimes; I just put stuff out there because nothing presses on the minds of the people I know much more than the subject of love.
And I think about this a lot because I remember the feeling of having someone to come home to when the public part of my day was over. It felt great; we all want to be known.
But for the last four years I’ve felt this feeling: having nobody to come home to. Except the kids, and they don’t really count. (Well, they count in the bigger sense, of course, but ordinary kids don’t put the needs of their parents first. [Please no messages on the kid you have that is your best friend, and the most amazing listener, and bubbling with nurturing empathetic qualities. If that’s your kid, I don’t really want to know right now. Okay?])
It’s lonely to come home when the public part of my day is over.
Most of my friends are married. In the first year or two after my divorce, I’d look at their marriages. With envy. Especially this time of year, when all those perfect Christmas cards start showing up.
I wanted the perfect Christmas card family again. The facade. I tried. Here’s one of the shots that ended-up on our card in 2011.
The card wasn’t the same as all the others I received.
Over the years, some of my married friends have talked to me. “In confidence.” Many of them, again, in confidence, reported of not being happy.
“The feelings aren’t there anymore.”
“My partner has changed since the early years.”
“I’ve changed since the the early years.” (I hear that one, often.)
Should that be surprising? Familiarity breeds contempt. I say this all the time. Because it’s true.
Is love a feeling? Or is love a commitment?
The digital age has certainly complicated the ideal of the monogamous relationship. A few years ago, to be tempted away from your partner, you needed proximity. You had to be close. Physically. So the assortment of options was small.
Not anymore. You’ve got social media. Everyone is close now. You can sit in your car an check out the scrapbook of anyone you want. You could like a photo, make a comment, send an instant message. Happens all the time.
I have no doubt that amazing marriages exist, because I have friends that have been married for decades. I see it. And some friends’ marriages seem okay. Not amazing, but okay.
If only more were satisfied with okay.