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You’re 7 Times More Likely To Be Killed By A Right-Wing Extremist Than By A Muslim Terrorist

December 3, 2015 By paulosophia in Politics Tags: politics

Ever wonder why certain people of this country aren’t talking about this little thorny fact—that since September 11, “Islam-inspired terror attacks ‘accounted for 50 fatalities over the past 13 and a half years.’ Meanwhile, ‘right-wing extremists averaged 337 attacks per year in the decade after 9/11, causing a total of 254 fatalities.'”

I suppose it’s just not a big deal when white right wingers, many self proclaimed Christians, murder. But if you’re skin is darker and you’re a Muslim, seal the borders.

 

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Read about it HERE:

 

 

What I Did To Get My Kid To Win

December 1, 2015 By paulosophia in Parenting, Teenagers Tags: my life, parenting, teens

 

Edison won an academic award a few weeks ago. It was a big deal. Huge. I want to give parents a tip on what I did to get him to win this distinction.

He was one of only 40 students. Out of over 2,000. Top 2%. These students had the greatest improvement in their grades over a one-year period. There was an award ceremony: school president, principal, senior staff, heads of departments. The principal spoke. Some students moved grades from 1.5 grade point average to 2.0, some form 4.0 gpa oa to 4.5. That kind of thing.

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I sat with all the proud parents. Clicking away on our cameras. I thought about how I never received any award in high school because of my fortitude and capacity for consistency—I held about a 1.8 gpa, all the way through.

I sat there and thought about how, three years earlier, I found myself caught-up in the obsession. Many of us parents have it. We refer to it as education but has little to do with learning. I sat and thought about the vision I had when my kids were younger. I wanted them to be “ahead” of everyone else. That was my goal, though their mom was always far more balanced.

So when Edison entered high school, I hired a college counselor who had helped parents get their teenagers into Princeton and Harvard. She helped confirm the carefully written plan I had devised for my 14-year project, through my own research. All the hoops to ensure his future success: extra circulars, sports, starting a club, academically challenging classes, Latin, be the team captain, get on the good side of the best teachers because they will write a letter of recommendation when you apply to college.

And I obsessed about a few things. I obsessed about his grades. Daily. These grades “count.” I checked Aeries every day. That’s the thing teachers use to record all the grades.

I knew what quizzes were coming, tests, projects. I obsessed and I was super stressed-out about each of them.

I obsessed over the iPad. The iPad the school gave him, The iPad he needed for every class. The iPad I stripped of games and social media apps. The iPad he could message friends on because Apple doesn’t let you delete its texting app, Messages.

I obsessed over his internet browser. He needed one for school. I downloaded some mobi-something-or-rather browser. It had a filter. Safari didn’t.  He’d text me during class almost every day. “Dad, I’m supposed to be downloading a PDF right now but this broswer isn’t letting me because it’s blocking the site.” I’d send him the restrictions passcode so he could download Safari and work on his project.

“Dad, everyone else has Safari, this is so awkward.”

I called the IT department of the school almost every week. “You mean to tell me that of the 2,500 students, I’m the only one that doesn’t let his kid have Safari and other apps?”

“Well, Mr. Martin, I can’t speak into what other parents do, but in order for him to download class assignments at school, he’s going to need a different browser.”

When I saw him after school I’d get rid of Safari and change the restrictions passcode.

This happened almost daily. I started running out of ideas for passcodes. At first I started with the month and the day. So if it was Septmeber 25th, I’d write 0925. But then a few days would go by and I’d forget if it was 0924 or 0925 or 0926. I tried to make it simpler—the first four numbers corresponding with the first for letters of the current month. So Novermber would be 6683. I think I tried using day and month of the kids’ birthdays too.

I ended up having to erase his iPad a bunch of times to get new apps he need for class and he wasn’t happy.

And he didn’t always turn in his homework on time. I knew because, remember, I checked Aeries. Every day. And I’d ask him why and he had a soccer game and had to leave early and he had spoken with the teacher. I was treating him like a five year old.

Parents, your teenagers don’t like to be treated like five year olds.

And I looked over his shoulder, literally, at home to make sure he was on task. And I’d tell him the BS parents us tell our kid-projects: “I just want what’s best for you.”

In reality, I wanted what’s best for me.

Month after month, I hounded him, grounded him, lectured him. He needed a only a 92.5 on every assignment. That’s it. That gets you A’s. Not A minuses. And A’s get you into top universities.

He wasn’t getting only A’s.  I wasn’t happy.

“I want you to do your homework at your desk so I can see you are working and not…wait!, how did you get Instagram?”

“You gave me the passcode today so I could download Safari, I was just checking something.”

Every day. Grades. Pressure. Obsessing. Nagging. Fear about the tragedy of not attending a top university a top university a top university a top university. Our relationship was about his grades, his future college dreams, his success, I mean my grades, my future college dreams, my success.

I read Friedman. Forty years of counseling chronically anxious families. “The children who end up being able to work through the latter difficulties in life are those parents who made them least important to their own salvation.” 

It all came crashing down. It came crashing down because I was objectifying my son. Parents do this today all in the name of love with quantifiable performance measures for school and sports and whatever else activity.

It’s not love. It’s conditional love.

Edison had become a means to and end. HE HAD BECOME AN OBJECT I COULD MANIPULATE OUT OF MY NEED TO HAVE HIM “SUCCEED.”

And I realized the whole top university thing was never about the goals or dreams or ambitions of kids. It was something parents wanted, like a Mercedes Benz or trendy vacation destination or designer handbag. Some call these kinds of things “positional goods”—things you get so you can impress others.

Status symbols.

I later heard of a popular book called Yes, Your Teenage Is Crazy. I’ve raised one teenager and am currently raising two, and when I saw the title I thought, in actuality, it’s the parents who are f***ing nuts.

But blame the craziness of your obsession and lust for status symbols on your kid.

People, success has nothing to do with where you go to college or if you go to college.

Success is about pursuing truth and honesty, helping others, finding your passions and living YOUR dreams, not those imposed on you by the vulgarity of this phony culture of facades.

I have a degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the world hanging on my wall and it doesn’t mean shit.

But how I treat my kids matters more than anything.

I happened upon Natalia Ginzburg. Her views on education. How wonder and learning and imagination are the most beautiful intrinsic goods. And she said this, too:

“We should not demand anything; we should not ask or hope that he is a genius or an artist or a hero or a saint; and yet we must be ready for everything; our waiting and our patience must compass both the possibility of the highest and the most ordinary of fates.”

Summer came. I was done. I didn’t want to live this way for another year. No. I wouldn’t do this to him for another year.

“Edison, you need to know something. I love you. Not your grades. Not your school activities. I could really give a rip about any of that crap anymore.”

He looks at me, startled, perhaps frightened.

I go on, “I was a disaster last year. Our relationship was tense because I was treating you like some kind of object. I needed you to pump out A’s and ‘succeed’ because that made me feel better about myself.”

He looks at me, speechless.

“Education is about wonder and learning, not just finding all the tricks to get high grades.”

“Oh, and Edison, you don’t have to go to college.”

Blank face.

I meant it.

“I love you for who you are, no matter what you decide to do with grades or soccer or your school club.”

“Nothing you do or don’t do will ever cause me to love you less, not even average grades.”

“Pursue your passions and interests, I want to see you become who you want to be. A college degree opens doors for sure, and if you decide to go, I’ll support you in every way I can, but it’s your life.”

“And education today has been hijacked by parents like me who treat it as a status symbol so we can brag to our friends.”

He finally, with a calmness I had never heard before.

“Dad, I want to go to college.”

“Okay, that’s fine. But whatever you decide, I’m not going to pressure you anymore.”

I never looked at his grades again. Not in his sophomore year, not in his junior, not this year. Not once. I never asked him about tests or quizzes or homework. Not once.

But when he got home I asked him about his day. “Learn anything interesting?” I did go to some soccer games and tennis matches and Mock Trial competitions. But I never encouraged him or helped him or “advocated for him.”

I just enjoyed what he was doing in life.

His life.

It’s been the most joyous time together.

And when I heard he got this big award. I decided to write about it.

So, what did I do to encourage my son to win this prestigious academic award? 

Nothing. 

The award was big. Huge. Because he did it on his own. All on his own.

I’m so flipping proud of him.

Doing nothing might be the best way to encourage our kids.

Plus it’s a much better way to have a peaceful home.

 

“Technical Difficulties” And Procrastination

November 30, 2015 By paulosophia in Uncategorized Tags: my life

Well, I’ve just experienced technical difficulties here. They’re fixed now. And Edison’s UC application is completely finished, including the writing part, which I’ve been helping him with.

So, no more excuses. Time to write another post.

I find that unlike any other activity on this planet, writing is the most paradoxical.

There’s nothing I love to do less; there’s nothing I love to do more.

Giving Thanks On Martin Street

November 26, 2015 By paulosophia in Parenting, Relationships, Spirituality, Teenagers Tags: my life, parenting, religion, spirituality, teens

I took my morning run today at 5:30. I was tired. It was cold. On this particular morning, I thought true thoughts.

I thought of my two legs—I have two legs. I thought of my three children—I have three children. I thought of their health—they have health. I thought of my warm home—I have a warm home. I thought of my incredible friends—I have incredible friends. I thought of my mother and father and three sisters—I have a mother and father and three sisters. I thought of my three brothers in law—I have three brothers in law. All good men. I thought of my faith—I’m grateful for my faith. I thought of my car—I have a car. The heater works. The brakes work. So does the radio and the GPS and the generator and the battery and the alternator and the rear window defroster. It gets great gas mileage.

I thought of my ten fingers and ten toes—I have ten fingers and ten toes. I looked down and thought of my New Balance 993′s—I have New Balance 993′s. Two pairs, in fact, one gray, one black. I thought of my books—I cherish my books. I thought of my trial—trials turn to gold. I thought of my freedom—I am nobody’s slave. I thought of those living under oppression—I am not oppressed. I thought of my education—I am grateful for opportunities to learn and grow. I will always grow.

I panted in the cold air as I ascended a daunting hill. There are many hills in this life. I have a will and a body and faith to get over hills.

The sun broke through these dark clouds and I saw radiant beams of sun. I thought of my eyesight—  I can see.

I had no pain in my body. No pain in my body. I had no pain in my body.

I thought of my children again—they are healthy and funny and grounded and happy. They are tucked in their beds, secure, warm, content. I thought about later taking a picture of the four of us. On Martin Street. Where I grew-up.

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My lungs work. My heart works. My mind works.

I am loved. I am accepted. I contribute to the wellbeing of others. My friends mean the world to me. And they care for me. My family means the world to me. And they care for me.

Many of my problems are in my head.

I never want to complain about another thing as long as I live because there are just too many things to be thankful for.

Keeping It Real: My Image

November 24, 2015 By paulosophia in Politics Tags: my life, politics

 

I can’t write anything even though I’m writing now. I’ve been trying for five days. I have writer’s block. I’ve started three posts. But I can’t finish IMG_5281any of them. Each sounds horrible: gutless, bland, shallow. God forbid I sound shallow. Pull out my toenails first.

The first hard thing about writing is writing. Writer’s block—staring at the blank screen.

The second hard thing is the fear of making a fool of yourself. This is the main reason people don’t write.

Those who merely speak their thoughts choose the safe path. Spoken words go into the air. They vanish. And if someone tries to quote you later, you can always deny it. “That’s not what I said!”

When you write, you can’t deny anything. You’ve put yourself out there. Your self. It’s risky. People can see it, read it, tell your friends to read it. Then they will all talk about you. And tomorrow, it all starts over again. And, unlike speaking, you never know who you’re talking to. If you’re reading this right now I’ll probably never know about it.

When you speak, you can tailor your words for each audience. Because you usually know just what people want to hear. I do this. I can tell my pro-life friends that I’m against abortion and just leave it at that. I get their approval. Then I can tell my pro-choice friends that I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I think the choice ultimately should be left up to a woman. I get their approval.

But if I write on how I’m pro-life, I run the risk of offending my progressive friends. And I have many. And their approval is of tantamount importance.

Physical appearance isn’t that important to me. Because it’s a facade. Even though society puts it first, it means little.

But the whole business of who you truly are? On the inside?

To write is to put that out there—THE REAL YOU—for everyone to read, and to judge.

I still can’t write anything even though I’ve just written about why it’s hard to write.

 

 

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Former U.S. House of Representatives candidate. Writer. CEO advocate for children of neglect, abuse, and abandonment. Politics junkie. Chess geek. INTP. Enneagram 5w4. Mediterranean cook. Beer and Hymns bassist. UCLA. Philosophy.

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Science may provide the most useful way to organiz Science may provide the most useful way to organize empirical, reproducible data, but its power to do so is predicated on its inability to grasp the most central aspects of human life: hope, fear, love, hate, beauty, envy, honor, weakness, striving, suffering, virtue. ⠀⠀ Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air _________________________________ #paulosophia #paulkalanithi #science #truth #philosophy #metaphysics #love #hope #fear #writersofinstagram #selfie #book
Twenty-thousand soldiers. In our nation’s capita Twenty-thousand soldiers. In our nation’s capital. Protecting our American elected officials... from American terrorists... 2021 makes 2020 look like milquetoast. #paulosophia
"Foster children are some of the most vulnerable p "Foster children are some of the most vulnerable population to sex trafficking." -Dr. Becca C. Johnson⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀ Tomorrow We wear blue #forthechildren. Please help spread awareness by wearing blue and sharing it on social media. ⁠ ⠀⠀ Learn more with the link in bio. ⁠ ⠀⠀ National Human Trafficking Hotline: ⁠ (888)373-7888 _______________________________ #humanrights #humantraffickingawarenessmonth #humantrafficking #sextraffickingawareness #sextrafficking #family #love #instagood #mother #mom #parent
PAULOSOPHIA BLOG POST: SOME JUST DIE — WHAT ALBE PAULOSOPHIA BLOG POST: SOME JUST DIE — WHAT ALBERT TOLD ME ABOUT COVID-19 (link to full post in profile) ⠀⠀ ...So I rolled up. His golden retriever, Maddy, rushed me. She just wanted attention. ⠀⠀ “Hello, Albert, how are things at work?” ⠀⠀ Albert is soft-spoken. He doesn’t talk much. And when he does, he gives really short answers, always with a smile. ⠀⠀ This is a summary of what Albert just said about COVID-19. ⠀⠀ “Well…” ⠀⠀ I prodded: “I read that there shortage of beds in Southern California hospitals.” ⠀⠀ “We are treating people in the waiting room. We are having to send people with other conditions home. There’s no room.” ⠀⠀ I inquire more. “Are most of those come in elderly, or with preexisting conditions?” ⠀⠀ “Some of them, yes.” ⠀⠀ Then he added something. For those of you that think #COVID-19 is some kind of hoax or exaggeration, please pay attention. This really just happened; I just came inside to memorialize what an ER doctor just told me. ⠀⠀ “Some just die. There’s no way we can predict it. Younger people. What appeared to be very healthy people.”
Permanently. Permanently.
I cook. #paulosophia #foodporn #food #cook I cook. #paulosophia #foodporn #food #cook
I have the privilege of working with goverment off I have the privilege of working with goverment officials in Washington DC. I enjoy it. And there are basically two types: elected officials and their appointees, and then their staff and career employees. The former come and go with elections. People people their names. The latter are unknown. ⠀⠀ I can see reason why people today aren't happy with "government." But I can tell you this: tens of thousands of public servants, the vast majority, fall into the category of staffer, or career employees. ⠀⠀ Here is a photo of Senate staffers — underpaid women, carrying the actual state electoral votes to keep safe during yesterday's violent rioting. ⠀⠀ These are the unsung heroes. They work at the local, state, and federal level — they keep our country going.
America is not so great anymore. America is not so great anymore.
This is my daughter, Bree. She is a student at Col This is my daughter, Bree. She is a student at Columbia Medical School. Because she works in the hospital, she was able to receive a COVID-19 vaccination. ⠀⠀ Growing up, I indoctrinated my children. Often to their chagrin, there were lectures, tutors, and many conversations about philosophy, faith, politics and science -- the stuff that really matters in life. ⠀⠀ But I never tried to never tell them what to think — I taught them HOW to think. I taught them that knowledge isn't the same as belief. That truth and certainty are, also, very different. ⠀⠀ They learned the difference between a priori and a posteriori, sound versus unsound premises, logical fallacies, and how to spot the ever-so-common false dualism. ⠀⠀ They were to respect those of other faiths, no faiths, other political parties (and I never revealed to them who I voted for or which party I belonged to) — that it was easier to hate your opponent than to take the time to understand his or her point of view. ⠀⠀ Finally, I taught them to trust the guilds of science — empiricism — and beware of of the allure of trendy conspiracy theories (which are based on the fallacy of affirming the consequent). That the Center For Disease Control, The National Institutes of Health,  the World Health organization, and The American Medical Association — tens of thousands of the worlds greatest scientists and doctors — develop and administer vaccinations for virus such as polio, smallpox, measles, rabies. Countless lives, as a result, are saved. ⠀⠀ I'm proud of Bree, and those like her on the front lines who study and trust science, and give their lives to keeping us safe. #covid_19 #vaccinesafetyadvocate #prouddad
Another riviting creation by my friend @jonathanol Another riviting creation by my friend @jonathanolinger and his tribe at @thehumanstory -- powerful. @withlovevote #georgia #mlk #johnlewis #paulosophia
#intp #enneagram5w4 #me #paulosophia #intp #enneagram5w4 #me #paulosophia
“If he died tomorrow, it would be because his wa “If he died tomorrow, it would be because his was not willing to change the future. He would have at least died after crossing the strait, after having worked in a crystal shop, and after having known the silence of the desert and Fatima’s eyes. He had lived every one if his days intensely since he had left home so long ago. If he died tomorrow, he would have already seen more than other shepherds, and he was proud of that.” #paulosophia #paulocoelho #thealchemist
Real goals. ❤️👊🏽❤️#goals #2021 #paul Real goals. ❤️👊🏽❤️#goals #2021 #paulosophia @garyvee
Sometimes I think about the gulf between the reput Sometimes I think about the gulf between the reputation of Jesus, and that old bathetic American religion. I oversimplify, but consider this. ⠀⠀ Today a Christian (referring to a friend, of course) might  undergo castigation for challenging a doctrinal or cultural silo (aka, trying to get one to think). Similarly, for hanging out with "ungodly" sinners. ⠀⠀ This year, I renew my commitment to following the example of Jesus. (And I hope the cruise industry returns.) #paulosophia #2021
Reading this, again, now. And snap this pic. ⠀⠀ “You can hit my father over the head with a chair and he won't wake up, but my mother, all you have to do to my mother is cough somewhere in Siberia and she'll hear you.” ⠀⠀ J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye ⠀⠀ #paulosophia #jdsalinger #catcherintherye #family #father #mother #dad #mom
Blessed to call this home. #picoftheday Blessed to call this home. #picoftheday
The birth of Christ was about outcasts. The poor. The birth of Christ was about outcasts. The poor. Shady reputations  — namely, Mary, Joseph, and #Jesus. ⠀⠀ Let us remember our history, our heritage, the paradox of the true #Christmas story.
Every #christmas. Shellfish. Fresh eel and clams a Every #christmas. Shellfish. Fresh eel and clams and squid and octopus. Muscles. A two day affair. I ate the fresh pasta with butter, reserved for us uncultured children. Now, whatever it takes to cling to tradition. 🇮🇹
Since they were born, or somewhere around that tim Since they were born, or somewhere around that time, the kids and I would watch the classic Merry Christmas Charlie Brown. And recite half the lines. And debate about the best dancer. For me, there should be no doubt that the character “555 95472” (yes that is his name, the one in the orange shirt) delivers the finest moves. No time quite like Christmas. #charliebrownchristmas
A basic day in The OC. Culturally wanting. Everyth A basic day in The OC. Culturally wanting. Everything else... 💯
Jesus for the win. #christmas Jesus for the win. #christmas
Are you? #introvert #extrovert #intp #enneagram5 Are you? #introvert #extrovert #intp #enneagram5
PREVENT. ⠀⠀ Because last year over 60% of chi PREVENT. ⠀⠀ Because last year over 60% of child sex trafficking victims recovered through FBI raids across the U.S. were from foster care or group homes. ⠀⠀ Because experts have extrapolated that the average age for girls entering the sex trade is 12. ⠀⠀ Because the average age of children involved in prostitution when recovered by law enforcement is 14. ⠀⠀ At @__forthechildren we will be training our chapters across the country and the world on how teach children to identify predators, and get help. ⠀⠀ We must PREVENT. ⠀⠀ Sign The Pledge at www.forthechildren.org _________________________________ #forthechildren #sextrafficking #sextraffickingawareness #child #children #prevention #instagood #rfk #family #love
Mom tested positive for #covid_19. ⠀⠀ She has Mom tested positive for #covid_19. ⠀⠀ She has few symptoms. But it scares me. ⠀⠀ I haven't seen her since February. ⠀⠀ She is frail, a senior, high risk. ⠀⠀ In the U.S. alone, three hundred thousand have died from COVID-19. ⠀⠀ Thousands die each day. ⠀⠀ For the first time since the 1960's, children living in homes with neglect and abuse are not being protected by mandated reporters. ⠀⠀ Millions lost their jobs. ⠀⠀ But those are merely stats. ⠀⠀ When it’s family, it’s never a stat.
“All men, by nature, desire to know.” — Aris “All men, by nature, desire to know.” — Aristotle’s Metaphysics #paulosophia
People blasting Bohemian Rhapsody toward #blackliv People blasting Bohemian Rhapsody toward #blacklivesmatter plaza, with the White House in their background. and the famous, yellow, Saint John’s Episcopal Church taking it all in. Welcome to DC in the glorious year. 2020. #queen
HHS is all about #COVID-19. Saving lives. Science. HHS is all about #COVID-19. Saving lives. Science. Though many scorn institutions today, without them, more people would be dead from this pandemic. A lot more.
According to the FBI, over 70% of children in the According to the FBI, over 70% of children in the U.S. rescued out of sex trafficking had been in the foster care system. Of those, the average age that they entered was 12. ⠀⠀ We must continue to rescue these victims, and bring the perpetrators to justice. ⠀⠀ We must also work on PREVENTION. ⠀⠀ At @__forthechildren we are committed to teaching these innocent minors to see threats, and get help. Thank you, once again, @nickkristof @nytimes ⠀⠀ Link to article in profile.
Planes, trains, automobiles — many many steps — for the children. NY>DC
Yes, and yes. (Thank you @_angeladavis1944 @rickfr Yes, and yes. (Thank you @_angeladavis1944 @rickfrausto @ucla #forthechildren) _____________________________________ #ucla #optimists #justice #instagood #angeladavis #childabuseawareness #fostercare
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