More Poor Amongst The Rich, And Rich Amongst The Poor.

By in Parenting, Relationships, Religion, Teenagers Tags: , ,

I’m in a meeting with Royal Family KIDS’ National Directors from around the world: Ghana, Namibia, Poland, Chile, Argentina, South Africa, the UK, Australia. All work with children of trauma.

The stories I’m hearing of neglect, abuse, and abandonment. Orphans living in Lord Of The Flies institutions with teen ringleaders bartering young girls like chattel to get drugs.

In some countries, there are no child protective services to keep the children safe. Refugee children living in tents. Children walking hundreds of miles with parents trying to seek asylum in safe countries. Four-year-olds wandering the streets.

But in the midst of hearing these realities, my mind drifts back to my own home.

Mostly what I’m thinking about are the millions children of privilege, “protected” by parents believing them too good to fail, stressing external success at all costs, shielding them from the painful realities of the real world. The facade of the “top university.”

Making sure their children stay away from “problem” children whose poverty or lack of education or broken home or blue-collar parents won’t lead them upwardly toward “success.”

Making sure their children spend more time on teams or with tutors or with coaches or in safe church youth groups — “safety,” versus the danger of a holistic life. Worse, the parents who will at all costs give their hight schoolers free reign to alcohol as long as they secure their desirable university.

Keeping them away from the poor kids. The neglected, abused, abandoned.

I once had a choice to send my own children to the local public school where 70% of the children were English learners from south of the border. Poor kids. The other choice was protecting them through homeschooling, or the local private school with all the children of rich white families.

I went to an expert for advice: A professor friend from UCLA who was on a panel of the UC Board of Regents, dealing with undergraduate education in the UC system. He was educated at the most elite private schools in France and did his Ph.D. at Oxford.

“Send them to the PUBLIC school. The diversity and dissonance and culture and language and the diverse sociological and economic standing will educate them far more than anything else.”

We obeyed; we tried the public school.

For one whole month.

Then I chickened out.

In any case, off they went to private and charter schools.

It could have been because I liked the status of sending them to the “better” schools, if I’m honest.

I was guilty, too. I wanted everything to be certain. Especially the well-being of my children. I want to “protect them,” too.

But I’m realizing that what we think is best, often isn’t. The brokenness of humanity and close proximity to pain and grief is perhaps the greatest education of all.

Richness has a poverty about it, poverty a certain sense of wealth.

“Never Expected Any Of This Attention…”

By in Spirituality, Uncategorized Tags: ,

I’m not into quick fixes. I don’t trust them. The answer to tough questions is never a simple answer. I’m especially leery of self-help techniques, the memes you see on social media. Like “Think Positive Thoughts” or “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

No. It’s not true. Really bad stuff happens even to people who do good things — look at Jesus or his followers, or Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’ve been talking to my staff about this really smart author named Seth Godin and we’ve been reading a book of his called Lynchpin. He thinks that no matter how mundane your job might be, there’s always a way to add creativity and genius to it.

Human beings, Godin believes, are not cogs in a wheel. We are not machines. During our discussions at staff meetings, I would always refer to the people who work at toll booths. They take your money then they push a button so the gate does up so you can proceed on your journey.

People who work at those booths are human barriers, keeping you from going where you want to go. And most of the time, they have little to nothing to give. They act like cogs in a wheel.

I’m leaving Chicago’s O’hare airport and I’m in line at one of those booths — not a toll booth, but at the Enterprise Rental booth. Same thing as a toll booth — a person holds the power to push the button to let you through.

And I meet Camilla. You’ve got to watch this.


Even though I’m not into quick fixes, there was something about this lady that touched me deeply. Didn’t seem to be a quick fix, seemed to be a woman who was a Lynchpin — adding creativity and value and genius, even to a mundane job.

After I shot the video I asked Camilla for her email address. When I returned from the trip, I sent her an email. And she responded with this.


I’m not into quick fixes, but if we are ever to find “attention or new found fame,” this is the way to find it.

A few seconds into 2019 — I am worried.

By in Parenting, Personal, Uncategorized Tags: ,

The other day I decided I would quit worrying. As a New Year’s resolution — give it up.

Then the clock struck 12. I wondered what Edison was doing. He’s my 20-year-old. He lives in downtown Los Angeles.

A few seconds into 2019 — I am worried.

Confession: I didn’t wonder. I worried. Then I recalled my resolution — a decision, a choice, an act of the will — to not worry.

Many believe we have free will over our thoughts. As if we could choose our beliefs in the same way we choose to raise our right hands.

I worry that we can’t. 

When My Teenager Said “No” To Media (And Junk Food)

By in Parenting, Relationships, Teenagers Tags: , ,

Elliot is my youngest son. He is 17. He is a senior in high school. He doesn’t use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook. He doesn’t watch television or movies or stuff on Netflix and YouTube.

Last year I had to take his phone away. He went without it for months. When I gave it back at the start of the school term, he said okay, but only if I restrict it for only calls and texting.

Elliot has told me a few times that he looks at “all these students” during school. “They are always on their phones. That’s all they do. They are not experiencing the world around them.”

“Dad, I think giving electronics to children, even teens, is bad for them.”

Elliot is an earlier riser; he’s up every morning, often at 4 or 5. He usually goes to bed at 8 or 9 at the latest. He often says, with a grin, “Dad, there’s nothing better than a really good night’s sleep.”

He never takes his phone into his bedroom. He leaves it in the kitchen. He says that texting is a distraction from studying or reading or spending time talking to friends and family, face-to-face.

Elliot doesn’t want a car. He rides his bike 3 miles to school every morning, often in the dark. After school, he rides his bike to the boathouse for rowing practice. At 6:30, it’s dark again, and he rides home.

He works at the boathouse on the weekends. He gets to work and back home on his bike.

Elliot says he prefers riding his bike because he doesn’t want to pollute the planet. He says riding a bike is better exercise. He says the experience of riding a bike is better than driving a car because you’re  “so much closer to nature.”

Oh, and he doesn’t eat sugar. No soda. No candy. No junk food. He eats a very balanced diet. He works out 6 days a week. He is very committed to his health.

My other children are normal. They all use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook on their iPhones. They all watch television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube. They drive cars and stay up late and eat junk food.

Gina and I are normal. We use Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook on our iPhones. We watch television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube. We drive cars and go to bed late and eat junk food.

Part of me thinks Elliot’s devotion is admirable. Staying away from screens, getting plenty of sleep, staying away from junk food, good exercise — aren’t those good things?

Sometimes, a part of me thinks his devotion is extreme.

But I never think my devotion to my social media is admirable. I never think my watching television and movies and stuff on Netflix and YouTube is worthy of praise. I never get feelings of pride that I went to bed too late or gouged on junk food.

Sometimes I wish I was more “extreme” like Elliot.

I wonder if you do, too.

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