The other day I decided I would quit worrying. As a New Year’s resolution — give it up.
Then the clock struck 12. I wondered what Edison was doing. He’s my 20-year-old. He lives in downtown Los Angeles.
A few seconds into 2019 — I am worried.
Confession: I didn’t wonder. I worried. Then I recalled my resolution — a decision, a choice, an act of the will — to not worry
Many believe we have free will over our thoughts. As if we could choose our beliefs in the same way we choose to raise our right hands.
I worry that we can’t.
I just read this essay by Thoreau. I was going to follow his advice and write down my thoughts and feelings; since my early 20’s, journaling has been a big part of my life — my own spiritual discipline.
I decided to type out his essay, instead. I figured that, perhaps, it would be easier for me to comprehend. And, maybe you might read it.
As those pieces which the painter sketches for his own amusement in his leisure hours are often superior to his most elaborate productions, so it is that the ideas often suggest themselves to us spontaneously, as it were, far surpassing in beauty those which arise in the mind upon applying ourselves to any particular subject. Hence, could a machine be invented which would instantaneously arrange on paper each idea as it occurs to us, without any exertion on our part, how extremely useful would it be considered! The relation between this and the practice of keeping a journal is obvious. But yet, the preservation of our scattered thoughts is to be considered an object but of minor importance.
Every one can think, but comparatively few can write, can express thoughts. Indeed, how often do we hear one complain of his inability to express what he feels! How many have occasion to make the following remark, “I am sensible that I understand this perfectly, but am not able to find words to convey my idea to others.”
But if each one would employ a certain portion of each day in looking back upon the time which has passed, and in writing down his thoughts and feelings, in reckoning up his daily gains, that he may be able to detect whatever false coins have crept into his coffers, and, as it were, in settling accounts with his mind, not only would his daily experience be greatly increased, since his feelings and ideas would thus be more clearly defined, but he would be ready to turn over a new leaf, having carefully perused the preseeding one, and would not continue to glance carelessly over the same page, without being able to distinguish it from a new one.
Most of us are apt to neglect the study of our own characters, thoughts, and feelings, and for the purpose of forming our own minds, look to others, who should merely be considered as different editions of the same great work. To be sure, it would be well for us to examine the various copies, that we might detect any errors, but yet, it would be foolish for one to borrow a work which he possessed himself, but had not perused.
In fine, if we endeavored more to improve ourselves by reflection, by making a business of thinking, and giving our thoughts form and expression we should be led to “read not to contract and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.”
Before I ran for Congress I would write freely. I called it “Freewriting.” You write whatever comes to mind.
But I stopped because you have to be more cautious when you’re a running for office.
I’m no longer running for office, so…
That lady with the fake Rolex at 11 o’clock. To my left. Eleven o’clock is always to your left. Left of 12. She’s outside the window — the window to my left. I know it’s fake because I can see it ticking. A real Rolex won’t tick; the second hand does all these really tiny ticks, so much that it looks like it’s just gliding.
The man with gray sweatshirt black shorts black shoes black sunglasses.The Volvo keys to the right of this computer. On the brown table.
I am at Kéan.
I care more about abused and neglected children than I do almost anything else.
Red head kid.
Few works of art move me as much as Salinger’s Catcher In The Rye. I used to feel bad that I loved complex dramas or even disturbing dramas like Shine or Midnight Express or Schindler’s List so much. Then as I studied more about Enneagram Fives and INTPs it started making more sense.
I just don’t even get how Salinger — in the 1940s — could write something so honest and raw and lacking in pretention.
The pen is without question more powerful than the sword.
That election. Opened so many doors. I didn’t run to open any doors; I ran to knock some down.
I will post this but I’m always a bit nervous that people will think it’s weird. That my writing is weird. That my thoughts are weird.
That I’m weird.
I think my wandering thoughts are like those of most people.
Nobody is more creative than somebody else. We are all equally creative.
Just some people are willing to put their art and thoughts and voices and inventions out there. They are willing to be criticized.
I’ve been criticized since I started my blog almost three years ago. I’ve been praised since I started my blog almost three years ago.
That’s probably the biggest and saddest thing I learned during my run. If you are a politician half the country will hate you. We live in the weirdest times where literally Republicans hate Democrats and Democrats hate Republicans.
But the Republicans are way worse than the Democrats.
I prefer warm coffee to hot coffee.
I prefer cream and sugar. Whole milk and sugar. Never ever non-fat milk because it makes the coffee look dirty and doesn’t even alter the taste.
Millions mourned when Stalin died even though he murdered tens of millions. Weird how thug autocrats can be lauded by so many. I think it could be happening again, this time in the USA.
No such thing as being non-political.
No such thing as being non-religious.
Ooooh, that lady has those new shoes. Those super trendy trainers. They say the most comfortable shoes in the world. Air buds or Airwalks or something like that.
I’m obsessed with shoes but you’d never know it. I think about buying new shoes every day. I go online and salivate but I rarely buy any. Running shoes are my weak spot. I hate Nikes. I love New Balance. It’s weird that Adidas and Puma were started by two brothers who went separate ways. Adolph stared Adidas; Rudolph started Puma.
Mostly what caused their split was Rudolph’s greater affinity for Nazism.
I heard that the lady that made the Nike swoosh stipe was paid like sixteen bucks by Phil Knight way in the beginning. He later gave her stocks for it. So kind of him.
Steve job relished in not giving a dime to the early founders of Apple. I don’t get it. I think Steve Wozniak was really disturbed about it once they went public and all these guys became instant multi-millionaires. Woz went to Jobs and said they should both match each other in giving at least some stock to the employees. Jobs said something like, “Perfect I’ll put in zero and you put in zero.”
I had a dream a few months ago. I was piloting a small airplane. I was scared. I was on the runway. I pushed the lever forward. I don’t know if there’s a lever and, if there is one, whether you push it forward. On a car, you pull the lever backward. You pull it back into drive. But it seemed natural that when piloting an airplane that you’d push the lever forward.
Why is that?
Fast, faster, heart beating. It is quiet. When I used to travel a lot I would fly business class and sometimes first class. It’s quieter in the front of the plane. You don’t hear the friction from the air against the wings.
The plane slowly starts to lift off the ground. My heart pounds.
Then, a song I haven’t heard on decades jumps into my head.
Up Up And Away in my beautiful balloon. Up Up And Away in my beautiful balloon.
Heartbeats harder and faster.
Wake up in a panic with that song. Attached to my brain.
Then I think about the mind/body problem.* Somehow that tune had been embedded somewhere in the carbon of my brain — the actual meat in my skull — for decades.
How can that combination of lyrics and melody and rhythm — things that are nonphysical — be stuck to a brain, something physical?
* The problem, in short, is about how something non-physical (will, decision, love, deliberation, choice) — the mind or soul — can interact with a purely physical brain. How could something non-physical cause something physical, to move? You can geek out a learn more about it here.
One minute, “You are a f***ing liberal piece of “s**t pretending to be a Republican get a f***ing life!
Then the next, “How sick you to be in the dRump racist party that promotes pedophiles and wants to rob from the poor?”
Just over a month ago, I launched my campaign for U.S. Congress. I knew what I was signing up for. Speaking my mind isn’t new to me. Neither is criticism.
But I get attacked from those on the far left and those on the far right.
Of the 8 Democrats running in this race, I’m certain they don’t get castigated by fellow Democrats for being Democrats.
And Dana Rohrabacher, my Republican opponent, isn’t being chided by Republicans for being a Republican. In fact, despite mounting investigations against him for his ties to Russia — the OC establishment Republicans are 100% behind him.
So the 8 Democrats in this race (yes EIGHT) aren’t getting attacked for being Democrats. And Dana Rohrabacher isn’t being attacked by Republicans for being the Republican that he is.
So what’s the difference with me? Why do many on both sides find trouble with my candidacy?
I am a centrist.
In no particular order…
- I believe people have far more in common than what politicians tell you. We all want to be safe, have decent jobs, be left alone, have the ve opportunity for us and our loved ones to have security.
- I am a free thinker.
- I don’t tow the party line unless it aligns with my convictions.
- I don’t let any person or group tell me exactly what I need to believe, not even those in my own party.
- I carefully analyze the issues, independent of pressures from either side.
- I don’t subscribe to conservative or liberal news channels to tell me what to think.
- I am a philosopher and am guided more by political philosophy than I am trending political events of the day.
- My loyalty, above party, is to what is true and prudent and best and good, even if the idea comes from the other side.
- I don’t consider it disloyal to speak up to those in my own tribe.
- I believe good leaders have the courage to speak up for truth, no matter the cost to their political careers.
- My heroes, going all the way back to the Socrates and the Christian scriptures, were willing to stand for what they believed right, regardless of the pressures, regardless of cost.
Here’s one current example of just how depraved party loyalty is making our country. Democrat leaders are calling for Senator Al Franken to resign for allegations of his sexual misconduct. Earlier this week, John Conyers, the longest-serving member in the U.S. House retired for allegations of sexual misconduct, after Democrats called for his resignation. At the very same time, Republicans, including our President, are increasing their endorsement for Roy Moore for Senate, who, like Franken and Conyers, has many allegations of sexual misconduct. In this case, with minor children.
Democrats are calling for their leaders to resign, while are Republicans calling for their leader to stay in.
Here’s another way of putting it. We are supposed to believe the women who accused Bill Clinton, Al Franken, John Conyers, Harvey Weinstein, Louis CK, Matt Lauer, Kevin Spacey, Jeremy Piven, Brett Ratner BUT NOT THE ACC– USERS OF Roy Moore and Donald Trump.
I’m not afraid to call that hypocrisy. Nonsensical. Groupthink.
I refuse to parrot the groupthink of my own party.
As a Republican, since I think the Democrats should resign for their abuse, so I think the Republicans should for theirs.
I feel the same about Russia’s interference in our election, and the investigation. I want to get at the truth. If Trump is cleared, great. If he’s found guilty of obstruction or collusion, great.
And I’m not afraid to tell the Democrats that virtually every offer they make to better our nation is one that will result in the expansion of the federal government, increased bureaucracy, and higher taxes ffor everyone. They want to make government bigger, and we would be the ones to filp the bill,.
What matters is truth.
My mother, who never shied away from inserting a saying at the apt time, was right: Birds of the same feather, flock together.
I think the saying works okay for pigeons and penguins; I don’t think it’s working really well for Republicans and Democrats.
Birds of a different feather, sometimes, need to flock together.
We need more people to think for themselves, to become centrists.
I’m that kind of candidate — a centrist, and the only one in this race.