Before I consider going to church, I feel them. Jitters. Or, a kind of uneasiness. They are real. Somatic episodes. Low levels of anxiety. Reluctance.
The problem is me, not them. Not the other Christians. Not the preacher, who always seems to be yelling. Not his message, which often seems to be remarkably simplistic. (And why is it always a he?) And not the worship band, which always seems to be trying too hard).
There’s something about it all seeming fake. They all seem fake.
I’m sure they feel the same of me.
I don’t feel the jitters before traditional church (Roman Catholic, Anglican, Orthodox). Something about the ancient ritual, the calm, the thoughtfulness.
I only feel them before the seeker evangelical services.
I view the jitters as a deficiency in myself. So, I’ll ride this season out. I’ll get to the bottom of what’s wrong with me because I’m not blaming anyone else for how I feel.
I aim to be one that owns my feelings.
But do you ever suffer from pre-church jitters?