Alarm goes off at 5:50. Hit snooze. Dad says he has never laid in bed awake. Not at night. Not in the morning. “It makes your brain soft.”
I lay in bed.
Alarm again. Hit snooze again. Check my email. Facebook. Wait till last minute. Have to take Elliot to school. Remember Andrea’s play on words. “No, you don’t have to, you get to.”
Andrea is my sister.
I get to take Elliot to school.
Doesn’t feel any better.
Wake Elliot. Get in shower. Get out.
Three foot high pile of clean unfolded clothes to choose from. Pick from it. Feel the guilt. Clothes should be nicely folded. In drawers. That’s my Sunday vow. Every Sunday. “I’m going to finish this time.” Sometimes I do. Only sometimes.
Put on blue corduroys, button-up shirt, trendy boot-shoes.
Edison in bed because late start at his high school. He texts me at 6:33, FROM HIS BED: “I need to get gas this morning.” Translation, “Transfer me some cash.” He’s about 15 feet away, in his room. I don’t text him back. I don’t ask him why he couldn’t get out of bed and ask me with spoken words. I open my Bank of America app. I transfer him $25.
Elliot makes himself breakfast. Trader Joe’s “The Queen of Croissants.”
I’M SURE THERE’S SOME NEW STUDY — HOW KIDS SHOULDN’T EAT WHITE FLOUR FOR BREAKFAST BECAUSE BREAKFAST IS THE F-ING MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY, ETCETERA.
My boys have few things they will eat for breakfast these days. Naked Juice. Bacon. Anything with white flour.
Get in car. He finishes croissant.
I’M SURE THERE’S SOME STUDY — HOW KIDS SHOULD EAT BREAKFAST AT THE TABLE WITH THE PARENT, NOT ON THE RUN, AND NOT IN THE CAR.
He puts on his Bose “Noise Cancelling” headphones. My voice is noise. I will be canceled. He’ll wear the Bose Noise Cancelling headphones for most of the 25-minute drive. Some mom is reading this, judging me. I need to engage him.
I’M SURE THERE’S SOME NEW BOOK OUT THERE: “HOW TO GET YOUR TEENAGERS TO ENGAGE YOU IN CONVERSATION WHILE DRIVING TO SCHOOL”
I don’t have that book.
Some of the thoughts I had during the drive:
“I don’t like being a single dad.”
“I love my kids and it’s my greatest joy to be their dad.”
“I’m so proud of them.”
“Those dads with wives don’t know what they have.”
“I want a wife.”
“We all take things for granted.”
“I wonder if there’s snow on the mountains.”
(From NPR’s Morning Edition, I think these thoughts.)
“I wonder if terrorists blew up the Russian plane.”
“Other than the guillotine, a plane crash would be the worse way to die.”
“Trump appeals only to idiots, and there are lots of idiots out there.”
“The sky is so clear after a rain.”
“Is that Highway Patrol going to pull me over.”
“He’d have no reason to.”
“What kind of rap is Elliot listening to?”